I dont have to participate in insanity.

I walked into laylo's Hurricane Katrina's House and saw that baby smiling, laughing and having a good time laying on his stomache eating a popsicle. The smile on that kids face was precious. Then you put him in the walker he started to cry. I started to get down on my knees and make a funny face at him and suddenly all around me like I wasn't even there I saw men in uniforms trashing around the living room. Throwing shit everywhere trying to uncover stuff. They where there looking for dope. The baby is crying. These people are walking all around me, still as if I wasn't even there. Then a black lady from child protective services reached down to pick up the baby.... .. and then they where gone. Just like they where not even there at all. That's because they where not there. I had just realized it was just a vision. Kind of like dejauvoo only this seemed very real to me.

I tried to blow it off ny saying I was just really stoned. But I can't. It really fucked with me. What I saw I know will happen. When I don't know. I do know that it wont matter if I am there when or if it does. I know it wont matter who is there. I just know after seeing that I don't have to be a part of it or contribute to it.

The vibe I got from Layloo and her old man was a very good one without bad intent and with much love in their hearts. They are just letting things go on in their house so they can get by and maybe get a little stuff for themselves for free. I don't think they even realize any of the consequences of whats going on when they make D deals for people they don't even know. I am shure if they did they would know its not hardly worth the cost of that baby being taken from its home and the smile on his face he would miss everyday all over a stupid dope deal or a snitch tweaker that ratted them out.

I couldn't be a part of it. I have never had a vision like that before. I left there went and saw Julie for Leo and then went straight to his house to talk to him about what I saw at their house. That's how bad it bothered me. He said it was just a premonition. But I had never had one of those before. I felt powerless. I am powerless over it. I had to leave.

Then I thought about YOU and your conscience over it.
I'm not all high and mighty. My shit stinks just like everyone else's does. My self worth is just alot higher than alot of peoples. I have my personal boundries. What I saw today was unacceptable. I chose not to be a part of it.

As for you and self worth. Its my own fault I feel disappointed in you. I had no right to place an expectation on you that you could not live up to. No right to expect anything. No expectation. No disappointment. Sounds good, but I cant seem to practice it.

NEVER EXPECT MORE THAN YOU ARE WILLING TO GIVE!

Why don't you try and live by that for one week and see how you feel about yourself at the end of the week. I live like that everyday. I am a much better person then I ever had been today because of it. It will work for you to.